New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve/New Year's Day is my favorite holiday. It isn't because of parties or drinking, however, but my simple obsession with the idea of potential, newness, fresh starts, and planning for greatness. As a child I would happily cling to the idea that no matter what went wrong that year, I would get a brand new shot at everything as soon as the clock struck midnight. I would spend all night cleaning my room, organizing, purging, and journaling. There would be a symbolic 'last song' selected to sum up the ending year, and a 'first song' selected to represent what I wanted out of the year to come. All that is a lot of work. The past few years (okay... eight) I have been a mother, graduate student, wife and frequent mover. I use my evenings, holiday or otherwise to catch up on everything on which I have fallen behind. Here we are at the end of 2012, a year during which I have felt myself sink into a lingering depression. The horrible thing is that I feel intensely guilty because I have a wonderful life and nothing I can *think* of would give me cause to be depressed. So I am consequently depressed AND self-loathing because I am an ungrateful bitch. Lovely combo. I have always wanted to blog. regularly. and seriously. HOWEVER... I have a few major obstacles preventing me from doing this properly: I always run out of time for everything I want to do, I am horrible at finishing things I start, and I am INCAPABLE of being honest to the point of exposing any of my shortcomings. I turn 31 in a few days and I think I may have reached the point at which I can risk letting everyone know I am not perfect. Because, let's face it, everyone already knew that. This blogging (aka public journaling) may actually be good for me. Especially since I can't see a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist. But that story is one for another day. I begin 2013 tomorrow with a good night's rest, a positive outlook, and some lofty goals. See you next year. ...I really hope that sign off ends up being cute and not actually truthful!